Break My Solitude
by Sanity's Reject
Summary: I hate being alone. Am I really so repulsive that no one wants to come near me? Am I that horrible? All I've ever wanted is a friend. Someone to hold me. Someone to save me. Oneshot, Russia's POV.


I like to watch everyone in the world meetings. They're all so carefree and funny. They argue about silly things like who started an argument or who interrupted someone else's speech. You know what's weird? I'm the only one who's cold in the meeting halls. Everyone else complains about it being hot. Even some of the ones who have cold winters like I do. I guess that's just another one of the things that separates me from them. From everyone. But I'm used to being on my own. They say we're a global community now, but I think they're lying to me. I'm just as alone as I was when the Mongols ruled me. Whenever I try to make friends, someone always takes them away. They took the Baltics. They took Prussia. They even took my sisters, for a while. I tried to be friends with China, but he always looks so scared... and angry.

The way everyone looks at me.

I hate it. I hate it so much. I hate being alone. Am I really so repulsive that no one wants to come near me? General Winter isn't always looming over my shoulder, if that's what keeps people away. I'll make him go away, if it means you won't look at me with those terrified eyes.

Can people see the blood on my hands? Can they see it in my footprints? Can they see it staining the snow? I thought I was the only one who could see it. Is that why you're scared of me? That isn't fair! Why does everyone act like I'm the only one who has ever done anything wrong? I never stole millions of people and dragged them across the ocean to be enslaved in my home, like America. I never stabbed my siblings in the back, like Japan did to China. I was never a pirate or a Viking like Spain, or England, or Sweden. It's not fair. Why am I the only one who was never forgiven for the past?

Why only me?

All I've ever wanted is a friend. Someone who will look at me and see more than bloodstained snow and bottles of vodka. Someone who can hold me when it's cold and I'm scared. Someone who can get rid of the ghosts that are always trailing after me. Someone that I can talk to without worrying if they're going to leave me like everyone else has.

Do people understand what I mean when I say I want them to become one with me? I don't think they do. I want them to promise not to leave me. I want them to make a vow to stay by my side, and I want to promise the same to them. I swear I won't ever abandon you. I don't want anyone else to be alone like me. I'm willing to stake my life on that vow. Everything I have, everything I am, I'll share it all with you. If you promise to do them same with me.

But silly me, I forget. No one can promise forever. Not even I can. Being a country is so hard. It makes it impossible to stay close to anyone. At least, that's what I thought. But then I paid closer attention at those meetings, and I saw something that really shocked me.

I saw relationships that have been around for hundreds of years. Spain, the one with the beautiful warm home; he's had part of Italy with him for years. Sweden, the Viking, he has a family with Finland and Sealand. They even have a little dog. Even clueless Italy has Germany. He betrayed him in war. How are they still so close? I don't understand. They get to be happy, and here I am. Alone. What am I doing wrong? Why is it that even today only I am still alone?

Alone. Cold. Scared. Sad. Maybe a little insane, who knows? I don't even know anymore. I don't have anyone. Why am I even here? Why do I still exist? Shouldn't the winter winds have blown me away by now? My dreams- a warm place to live, a field of sunflowers... They're useless. They can never come true. I've been deluding myself into thinking that anything will ever change. Maybe it's impossible for me to even hope for a friend.

Unless you can help me.

Will you? Will you try to see past all of the bloody history and all of the mistakes I've made. Even if you can't, I'll be happy that you tried. I promise I won't hurt you. I won't let my past repeat itself. I promise. So, will you? My hand is open.

Will you take it?

* * *

><p><strong>AN- This is what happens when I listen to music boxes. I write angsty Russia. Oh well... I needed to take a break from all of the fluff in <span>Baby Just Say Yes.<span> (And yes, I'm working on the next few chapters of that. Patience.) There are a few vague historical references, but I was too lazy to do any real research. I stuck with what I knew. Anyways, Russia's little monologue here could be directed at a number of people. I like to think he's talking to America. And of course the hero will help him! *shot in the face* But seriously, I did my best to play up victimized Russia here, mainly because every story I've read lately has Russia in the villian's role. Come on people, can't we be a bit more creative? Well, whatever. I hope you enjoyed my random little oneshot.**

**-Sanity's Reject**


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